Closing the Door

        Okay, been a while since I posted, but that's only because I've moved and it took me a month before I was able to get my internet set up. And a fair bit more has happened, a hell of a lot more good than bad. And it's going to be wonderful getting back to writing and reading Blogger again! I've missed it severely!

       First things first, I'm finally moved out completely on my own! No roommate, no support, just myself and my thoughts! It's both wonderful and a shame. I don't have somebody to share with all the time, there's no feeling of other people living here, which at some points makes me feel slightly lonely. For the most part, though, I'm enjoying the silence and calm that comes with being on your own. And (look away kids, not pg!) the joy of walking around nekkid without worrying a roommate will come home soon! My place is nearly as large as my last one, so I've had plenty of room to have people over and enjoy their company, plus a few friends that live just a short walk away that I've gone and seen.

        Things in the place fit very well, almost everything is unpacked. I'm only missing a few things to make it feel like a home, and that's just some dishes, a table and chairs, and a television! Over the next few months I'll be upgrading most of what I own, firstly getting a king sized bed. Thanks to some wonderful friends I've managed to get ahold of a really large couch and some other basics for my place!

       As for the rest of the time I've been gone, getting some things resolved at my work place that were health related, and hoping that things went well for me (they did, with some mixed results) in the rest of my life. This involved getting my social life back on track, doing more than just working and being home. It also involved getting back into the hobbies I had before, and expanding to new ones for the time being.

       The title is more based on a big part of my life that just happened. One of the most important friendships to me just ended. It'd been ending for a while now because of a few different circumstances. I'm sure there's ones that I don't know, but the biggest ones were myself being drunk around a friend and her boyfriend disliking that I was there. Mistakes happen, and I'm not going to go into it very much. All that needs be said is that I've apologized, and things ended. Maybe forever, maybe not. But to all you out there looking for lessons from this blog, own up to your mistakes. Shit may be bad for a little bit afterwards, but you'll have done the best you can do and it really changes how things turn out for you. The most amazing thing about this situation is finding out how much support I have from people I never expected it from! It's meant the world to me and been very touching.

        Stress is a funny thing. You always think it's a bad thing, but with the amount that I've been through in the last few months it's changed my opinion of it. Stress is good. It makes us appreciate the little things that don't stress us out, and realise we really like people that just...talk. Not about important stuff, but you enjoy your time around them because it's good conversation and nothing more. And the other thing we imagine when we're under stress and then it becomes too much and we just snap and either break down with depression or crying, or we just go postal (which will be the topic of another one of these lovely posts soon) and get angry/violent at almost everything. But what happened with me is just....everything became so funny! The things that happen are just...amusing. You contemplate doing things you would have been worried about other people thinking badly of, just because it would make things even funnier. Sure, the fact that you're now taking risks you never would have before can be bad, but it's not that you're being reckless. Just....less inhibited. The best analogy I can think of is when you've had just enough liquor to get past being tipsy, but not so much that doing things is going to be a danger to you. Just an observation.

        Lastly, I've been expanding my music tastes a lot lately. Went from somebody that listens to almost exclusively rock music, I've branched out to more rap, country, pop, and metal music. It's been interesting, especially when it's a lot of relatively local artists (I live on Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Canada). I'm hoping to master my chosen instruments soon to see if I can start making some music. Right now it's still the guitar, next either the piano or drums, and once I've got those three mastered I'll go and start trying to compose with those. ANd probably learn another instrument or two, just to keep it always changing! Can you imagine rap with a freaking sax keeping the beat?? That's the stuff I want to try, see how it sounds, and start a new genre!

        Been fun talking to you, and I'm sure I've covered some of the same stuff as my last post, but that's what happens when it lasts longer than your lack of internet, haha.

Never place blame on others unless you're willing to accept it as half your fault.

Truth Behind the Name

        Okay, so the name of the blog might seem a little morbid at first (for those of you that don't know, an epitaph is the inscription written on a tombstone in memory of the one that lies there), but let me explain. Each day our experiences, our joys, our sorrows, and our thoughts change who we are. Every day there is a new person with the same name and body, but different from the person they were yesterday. The idea of this blog is to remember my past self in the years to come, to see the journeys I've been through and the person I've become!

        Today marks the first day in a long road ahead, one of many challenges and celebrations. Not everything that has or will happen will be good, but that doesn't make what has happened any less wonderous or magnificent. Life is what it is and the fact that we're hardwired to learn from it is what makes it so amazing, even when it sucks. But taking all that in will help me choose which fork to take in tough decisions, and who to bring with me on my adventures.

       Anyways, to all of you out there finding this, welcome to my mind, and the tangled web that it is! I'm Mikk, and you're all welcome to join me on this journey and leave your thoughts, support, and criticism below.

       Today marks just over one month since one of the most frustrating things I've dealt with in recent times. But first let's give a little backstory. In the last year alone I've managed to dislocate two different joints, completely disassociated myself from an abusive father (emotionally and mentally, not physically), started a new job, moved out on my own, dealt with one of the most frustrating and useless roommates, fallen out with my best friend of seven years, found a new one who matched me better than anybody else I've ever met and lost them too, started dating a woman who was one of the most interesting and wonderful people who then broke up with me because her friends laughed at her for dating a much younger man, bought and lost a vehicle, got in and out of debt, and was lied to by a corporation that promised to take care of medical bills incurred because I got injured there and didn't follow through.

        This last month, I've lost the woman that meant the most to me, my best friend who stood by me all this time and showed complete and total support, even though we've only known eachother a year. No, not as in she died, but she made a decision that seems to have cut me out of her life almost completely, and no idea if it'll ever change. To add to that, I found out my grandmother is very ill and might not live to see her first great-grandchild born, I'm helping to support my mother through an emotional time for her, and my sister was in a flooded area of her city for a while before I heard from her. So it's been a pretty emotional month for me, and it all kind of piled up in a week. Pretty sure that's a lot for most people to handle in such a short time.

       Luckily I've had a few wonderful friends to help me through such tough times and it's led to me discovering a little more about myself and figuring out a new passion. Recently I've started teaching myself to play the guitar, practicing at least a half hour each day. I've got a new fitness regime to keep me going and keep fit. Tried a few new teas, and ate some new foods. Gone dancing, started dating again, and gone for walks in a few new areas. Bought some new clothes. Done a lot that's going to change who I am.

        Been fun talking to you all, and I'm going to end each post with a little something, based on how I'm feeling that day.

Courage isn't the absence of fear
Courage is taking your fear, accepting it
Courage is moving forward regardless of your feelings.